Cambodia.part2
Today is Mother’s Day.
Social Media feeds will be filled with pictures of people honoring their moms and grieving those they have lost. There will be posts admonishing us to be sensitive the woman who cannot have a child; the woman who has lost a child and the woman whose adoption did not happen. There will be moms who have given their babies for adoption who receive no accolades but are so brave and are unsung heroes. We will have reminders that not everyone has a great mom story and still others will embrace their choice to forego motherhood. There will be women who celebrate their own journey of empty arms and crushed hopes as well as full homes and beautiful babies.
It will be a frenzy of posts and pictures and memes; calls, texts and cards.
And very far away, one of my favorite moms is wrapping up her celebration as I climb out of bed.
Kayle.
Kayle Hardrick is my hero. She has always amazed me. From the moment I met her in a church membership class, to the day she moved into our home and every meeting in between and since, I have loved her. Her energy. Her warmth. Mostly her love for Jesus and His people.
I’ve known her as a teenager. A newlywed. A friend. A swim instructor. A big sister. A mom with empty arms. An elementary teacher. A birthing mom. A Worshiper. And always an avid disciple of Jesus.
Words flow fast when telling the story of Kayle and Chris and how they entered our family. It is a detailed story and more than the readers here want, though a precious story to our family. It was as if we found two people we didn’t know we were missing.
Hard Start.
Motherhood had a bumpy beginning. Their first baby went to be with Jesus before Kayle could hold the precious bundle in her arms. I remember where I was when she called to say the baby was going home. A van filled with teenagers driving across Arizona headed to California for a missions trip. Though only 3 hours from home, it seemed a world away. I ached to hold her. My husband took them pizza that night and watched television with them. He was what they needed. I would have brought stupid idioms and cliches, David brought quiet stability. When I returned home, Kayle and I held and wept for the baby in Heaven.
Then came Amirah. Standing outside the hospital room door, I heard her first cry and my heart smiled. Later, we welcomed Layla. I saw her first breath and was immediately in love. Our Kasen was born in Cambodia – I looked for months on how to get into Cambodia during a pandemic to be with Kayle and Chris and the girls during this time. God said he had it under control and to stay put. He did. Kasen is the energy I wish I could bottle!
Motherhood.
Motherhood has not unfolded as Kayle imagined. A public school teacher and avid supporter of the school system, she never imagined homeschooling her own children. In a foreign land. Making sure they learned a foreign language.
Yet there she is! Doing an amazing job.
Few people have ever been so equipped for life as Mom on a Mission Field as Kayle Hardrick. God has prepared her for this time from birth. Her independent spirit leads her to forge her own paths. Her compassion for others lets her see the needs of her children above her own. Her gifting as a teacher allows her to supplement home school curriculum and tailor it to meet the interest and needs of her children as well as reach out to her community and support other families. She is smart. Kayle knows when she needs to seek extra help and when a child’s need is beyond her capacity.
More than anything, Kayle is proficient in leaning on Jesus. Being honest with God. Making space for God to move and talk in her daily life.
Fears.
If you were to ask Kayle her greatest fear as a mom, she would be quick to answer you with great honesty: Screwing her kids up.
It’s a common reaction. One many moms worry about. For Kayle, the worry stems from the distance of family and the grief and loss they have experienced on the Foreign Mission Field.
Will the product of missions be worth the cost to her family and children? Will her children be the one to pay the heaviest price for living abroad away from family and friends?
It is easy for someone sitting in a coffee shop 8,696 miles away, to answer emphatically, “Yes! Of course the Kingdom of God is worth the cost!” It is easy when it’s not your family. When it is not your child.
Cost.
Having raised a daughter with a disability, we have questioned the cost. Ashley is resilient. More than once, while sitting in a operating waiting room, walking hospital halls in the night or returning from the Cafeteria to a hospital room that grew smaller by the hour, God has prompted me to approach a family. Some grieving. Some looking lost and fearful. I’ve been able to pray for them. Direct them to services within the hospital. Sometimes just show them where the coffee pot was located. During a long hospital stay, I returned to our daughter’s room to tell about one of these encounters. She replied to me, “who would be here to give these people hope in Jesus if I weren’t in the hospital at this moment?”
My heart clinched. I smiled and turn my back and as I walked away, I my spirit screamed, “mot my child, God. Not her. Not any more. Send someone else.”
Kayle must fight that fear.
When driving in a tuk tuk, when navigating the markets, when teaching English classes, when onboarding new interns, when teaching classes to the eMI staff, when sitting in her homeschool classroom, when listening to violin and piano lessons and preparing Sunday school lessons and celebrating the rhythms of the church and being wife and mom, the knowledge that this might be easier in the states sits in the back of her mind.
They have chosen to live Kingdom of God Minded. Not present minded.
Kingdom Minded.
Here and yet to come. That is the dichotomy the Christian must dwell in. An ever-present tension.
We have salvation, but do not know full redemption. We have healing but do not know full restoration. We know parts of the Kingdom, but we are yet to experience the entirety of the beauty of the coming of God and His Kingdom yet fully revealed..
The constant loss of companions on the mission field has created the potential for loneliness and grief. The girls loose their friends. The parent loose friends and compatriots and fellow servants. Missionary life is full of constant good-byes. Leaving home. Interns who come and go. Neighbors who change. Coming to the states and leaving their friends wondering who will still be in Cambodia when they return and who will be gone. Saying goodbye to those in the states that they love so much.
It’s a mental and emotional cost. Constantly.
The cost is also monetary. Giving is down this year. And in the summer months it usually decreases more even though their expenses don’t change. And they have to return to the states in the summer – a cost not covered by his salary. And it is expensive.
There is the knowledge that Chris and Kayle are both educated professionals and in the states they would be pulling a large income. Yet, telling people of the hope in Jesus Christ is more important to them. However, in the back of their minds is the cost of college and their own retirement. As well as the What-if’s – medical emergencies; incidentals; the cost of travel and living once they are in the states.
It’s hard to focus on eternity when the present feels like shifting sand.
Father.
Then Father God provides a retreat. A respite for a mother’s soul and body. Holy Spirit draws her close and Jesus whispers to her heart: “I see you. I see your tears. Be faithful. Trust me.”
God sends Mimi and Miss Jill to play and tour and laugh and eat and remind them – we see you. We love you. We will trust God when you can’t. We hold space for you.
Truth.
Every mom faces the same worries to some degree. Motherhood is as old as time. So is fear and worry.
Worry over her son’s future drove Rebekah to teach her son Jacob how to cheat his brother from his birthright (Genesis 27). What would her favorite son gain when his father died if she did not take care of it? Fear of being forgotten after having given their jobs away to follow Christ led James and John’s mother to ask Jesus, “grant that one of these two sons of mine may sit at your right and the other at your left in your kingdom,” (Matthew 20:21). Who was going to see all her boys did for the Jesus if she didn’t make sure they had place at the table?
Rest in Jesus, momma. He sees you too.
Letter to Kayle.
My dear, sweet friend. I love you. You are an amazing woman of God. You love so deeply and without reserve and you have taught so many of us to do the same thing.
That is your gift to your children: to love God more than comfort. To follow God wherever He leads. To do difficult things because the Kingdom of God yet to come is worth it.
Thanks for loving me so much. For letting me part of your life. For showing me new views and new worlds and how to use every part of a green onion.
Thank you for being faithful – to friends to family to Jesus Christ.
Always, Meemaw
To Support Chris and Kayle: Visit the following link and choose “Chris Hardrick” in the pull-down menu.
Complicated Hope 
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