Complicated Hope

Sometimes we need to stop. Just stop. Rest. Refocus. Realign.

I’d like to tell you that’s what I’ve been doing – an intentional rest. For the past 5 years, I haven’t written much. For weeks and months, I’ve been totally silent. Barely a yearly check-in.

Five years ago, I learned how small I was in this great big world. A missions trip with my church to Greece, serving immigrants caught in impossible situations showed me how little I knew about this big world.

That should have been a catalyst for topics, but instead, it made me quieter. Then fear begin to set into my heart.

There are so many voices yelling and clamoring to be heard. I did not want to be another voice yelling at the wind. I have feared writing something wrong that offends someone unintentionally. I have seen how one voice, screaming loud enough, can destroy people. I do not want to destroy and frankly, I had grown tired of being attacked.

So I grew silent.

Yet, God was working in me. Times I felt I was hiding, He was refining. Wounds I wanted to cover, He was healing. Places I no longer wished to visit, God was turning into beautiful gardens. God has opened new doors and provided new experiences that I never could have imagined – dreams fulfilled in ways I never would have dreamed. The waiting has been great!

Then one day –

“Write,” I heard God say.

“Write what?” I asked.

Silence.

I’ve come to love His silence. God’s silence is like a giant hug from a mom about to send their child off to Kindergarten. It’s tight and secure, her arms strong and yet soft. Her breath stirs their hair and that child knows she is loved and protected. When released, that mother’s strength has been transferred to her child and bravely they face the rigors of playgrounds and classrooms.

Yesterday, as I heard myself telling someone, “Show people how you live. Let them see what you are doing. How you face challenges. Let your story be once that points to God.” Exactly, God whispered. That’s what you need to write.

We don’t need another pundit. We don’t need another opinion. But people do need to see how other Christians are handling all the crazy in this world.

So, here it is. This is just me. Doing life. Sometimes well. Sometimes, tripping over my shoelaces, stumbling through doors and mincing words and metaphors.

It’s just me. Giving some Hope in this Complicated world.