Complicated Hope

Everything seems slightly off-centered. Askew. Catty-wampus.

Tilted just enough to be disorienting. The world looks familiar. Smells familiar. Sounds familiar. But the ground is tilted so that we are unsure of our footing and dizzy and nauseated and we are grasping for the walls trying to stabilize ourselves.

The school Calendar says it’s the last week of class before finals. But campus resembles a vacant movie theatre where students once graced the halls but now a few cars roam around. It feels lonely.

The calendar says it’s December and Christmas is around the corner, but there are not parties, no Christmas choirs, no gatherings. Some families are staying away from the at-risk members to protect them, others are mourning their loss and some of us are crying in relief as a dear aunt returns home from the hospital today. But we can’t see her. Can’t hug her. We can only thank God she made it.

The calendar says the winter begins today, but the weather was mild and resembled late October, as if the very weather reflects the tilted world in which we live.

Most days my equilibrium aligns to this misaligned world and I am able to walk tall and keep my footing. Other days, I find myself sitting at my desk and starring at the bare lilac bushes and Scottish roses, wandering what they looked like this summer. I embrace the emptiness of the cold gray sky as it reflects my own gray soul.

Truth – I think we need these days. We need to be reminded that this world is temporary, our hope is not in these mortal calendars and fragile shells of clay. Yet, it is hard. Very hard. Some of struggle more than others. Some days are harder than others.

Be kind.

On your good days, look around for those who are struggling too and lend them a hand. On your bad days, be honest with your family. Tell them that it’s not good to be in your shoes. Ask for space. Ask for prayer.

And pray for yourself.

More and more I find myself turning to God. Not presenting Him with a list of wants and wishes but consciously thanking Him for little things. Asking Him to speak while I sit still. I read His word and as I do I find my heart tilting to Heaven.

Lord, in this tilted and jilted world, align my heart to Yours. Let me see eternity in Your love not in my surroundings. I embrace the uneven because it is drawing me to you, Jesus. Thank you for sitting with me in the brokenness.