Complicated Hope

This is my second guest writer!  Becca Well is a goalkeeper for Trinity International University Trinity Trojans in Deerfield, Illinois.   Originally from Springfield, Ohio, Becca and her twin sister Rachel came to Trinity following another player from their hometown.

Becca amazes me.  She possesses a quiet strength and sister a quiet hope that brings a stability into the room.  You instantly know you could trust both of these ladies with your life!

In the 3 months, I have watched Becca struggle through some tough lessons – and come out shining!

Grab some coffee.  Sit back.  Read her story!

Struggling with Standards
Twenty Times.

Twenty times I ran the mile my sophomore year before I passed the starting standard. I think that might be a record for TIU Women’s soccer, which is kind of embarrassing but also something I’m proud of because I eventually passed and I learned so much along the way.

Running the mile is not one of my strengths. Being a goalkeeper, I have never felt like my game was affected by this area of weakness, but I also was never really pushed to grow at it either. So when the standards came out before summer and I saw the mile time needed to start, which was far faster than any mile I had ever ran, I was pretty overwhelmed and I felt like the task before me was next to impossible. As summer wore on I tried not to let my fear of failure or doubts hold me back. I put in lots of work, running extra miles and following the summer workout packet closely—slowly my times improved, but I still wasn’t hitting the standard. Preseason came, and testing day arrived, and I failed. Mind you it wasn’t even like I barely failed—it was like I was over a minute too slow kind of failed. And after that I failed again and again and again. But somehow, with strength not of my own I kept re-testing. If you’re in this spot, if you failed to meet a standard, it’s hard…it’s embarrassing. But what are you going to do about it? Are you going to lay down and give up? Or are you going to fight with everything you have to meet the standard? I chose to fight. I kept working and re-running the mile. It took time and there were definitely some low points along the way, but eventually I made it. The journey may have been longer than I had hoped but here’s what I learned between the start and the finish line…

Lesson 1:

Control The Controllables—Work Hard and Trust God with The Rest

After my first few failed attempts I was extremely disappointed and pretty discouraged. I remember going to God with all my disappointment and just sharing with Him how all my hard work wasn’t paying off and asking Him what was the point in my efforts during the summer if I was just going to keep coming up short? After praying I felt very convicted, and I felt like God was like, “Whoa, whoa, whoa it is paying off… just in my timing.” I was reminded that I wasn’t in charge of when the reward was coming, God was. We can work hard. We can control the controllables, but the outcome is often beyond our control. I worried that if I never passed the mile I would end the season with regret, but now I believe that if that would have been the plans God had for me, plans that I would not pass the mile, then I could at least know that I worked hard and gave my best effort. There is honor in that. Work hard and trust God with the rest.

Lesson 2:

Remember Where Your Identity Lies and Where Your Worth is Found

At my lowest points I felt super trapped and alone, and Satan really had a field day with my vulnerability. I was believing so many lies. I felt like a failure, like a burden, and like I was letting my teammates and coaches down. I felt hopeless and like there was no way out of my circumstances or out from under the weight of the disappointment and failure. Thankfully God broke through the darkness and was like “ Hello! It’s just a mile. Look at me. I am where your hope comes from, and it’s in me alone where you identity and worth are found.” Through people in my life I was reminded that my failures did not define me. They reminded me to look at the big picture and to not get caught up on this one obstacle that would eventually become nothing more than a detail. In the midst of trying to pass the standard I let the challenge consume me and I let the weight of it follow me everywhere. I felt like if I could just pass the mile then my life would be better. Again God really convicted me of thinking this way. What’s the difference between that and saying, “my life would just be better if I made more money”, or “If I just passed this test, then things would better” or whatever other worldly things we strive for and tell ourselves will fulfill us. The things of this world only provide temporary satisfaction. Yes, passing the mile would be a great accomplishment (and when I passed it definitely was), but it would not fulfill me. I would not give me life. Only Christ can fill us and give us life. At times I was letting my focus be solely on the challenge in front of me, instead of viewing the challenge as an opportunity to grow in God and learn more about His character and His love for me and for His people. You are so much more than the outcome of your performance. This failure does not define you.

Lesson 3:

God’s Timing Is The Best Timing

The week before I passed the standard I ran a mile one second too slow. ONE SECOND. Even though this was a huge accomplishment and still the fastest mile my legs had ever run, I got caught up on the one second. One second faster and I would have passed. I was super frustrated with God. I felt like he hated me, one second too slow felt so cruel. I just kept asking God why. Why was this such a struggle? Why was it taking so long for me to pass? But ultimately it came down to trust. Was I trusting God’s plans for my life? Was I trusting his timing? God’s timing, ways, and plans are often different than our own, but they are so much better. Within that one week God was still working and teaching me and if I would’ve passed I might have missed out on those. Even though his timing can be confusing and sometimes painful, there is purpose in it and we can trust that it is good.

Lesson 4:

You’re Not Alone. Asking for Help Is Not A Sign of Weakness

Even though at times I felt alone, I knew deep down I never was. I always had teammates and friends by my side supporting and encouraging me. I really couldn’t have made it through without them. They were there for me, and I knew I could be open and vulnerable with them about my doubts and struggles. They listened and they prayed and they believed in me. You are now a part of a family who loves you and cares about you and wants to help. Let them. Don’t let your pride or embarrassment or anything else keep you from letting your teammates and coaches help you. When I re-tested I had so much support. Girls drove behind me in their cars blaring music and yelling encouragement. Others stood along the road and ran with me, pushing or pulling me along the way. One coach ran literally every time with me. She helped pace me and eventually pulled me with a rope. We looked crazy, but it seriously helped me so much. Their energy and encouragement helped me not give up. I knew when I was running it wasn’t about me. It was about the team and about doing everything in my power to help the team succeed. They were there for me through it all. They’ll be there for you too.

Lesson 5:

BELIEVE

After failing and failing and failing it was hard to believe that I could ever meet the standard. I sometimes thought to myself, “Why do you think you can do this?” I was my own worst enemy. I was fighting against myself. All of my hard work I was undermining because my mentality was so out of whack. But by running over and over I gained confidence. I believed that with every mile I was getting stronger and with time I believed I could go faster. Controlling your thoughts and self-talk can be hard, but believing in yourself deep down is so important if you want to grow. My teammates, coaches, and friends believed in me but at my core I still didn’t believe in me. Deep down I still was the girl who always finished the mile last. It wasn’t until I fully surrendered my doubts and negative self-view and believed in myself and believed that I was strong enough to do something that once seemed impossible that I started to near the finish-line of my journey. You can train and work hard and say all the right things, but if you don’t believe in yourself you can only go so far. Life has enough obstacles, don’t let yourself be one of them.
Hopefully some of that was helpful or encouraging. When I didn’t pass the standard I wished with everything that I wasn’t in that situation, but I was, so tried to make the most of it. This season won’t last forever and this trial won’t last forever. Things will get better. Don’t give up! You’re in a position where you have everything to gain and nothing to lose. Don’t walk this path alone. I’ve been in your shoes and I made it…so can you!