Complicated Hope

I was taught not to hate.  I taught my children not to use this word.  To cultivate grace and love for others.

Yet, I hate.

I hate cerebral palsy.  I hate what it has brought to my child.  I hate the struggles.  I hate the pain.  I hate the surgeries and the medications and the record keeping and the insurance and the daily grind of managing a chronic condition.  I hate that this has not gone away from her and it will be a part of her life – our life – forever.

Wait.  Before you begin typing a well-meaning, churchy-worded reply, stop.  I know the flip side.  More than most people.  My soul is not in mortal danger and I’m blasphemous.

I’m honest.

God is honest.  Proverbs lays out 7 things God hates.

I figure that Cerebral Palsy has murdered my daughter’s innocence and so, yeh, I get to hate it.

I hate the root of the problem – a fallen world.  Disobedience.

Sin.

Yet, I love the redemption!

This journey through stroke recovery and cerebral palsy management has brought some amazing people into our lives and some amazing experiences.  We are closer as a family and to God because of the struggle.  We have known amazing pain yet we have known showers of peace as well.   We have heard disastrous predictions and been stunned by healing.

Redeem – to buy back;  to free from what distresses or harms (Mirriam-Webster).

“Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later,” Romans 8:18 (NLT).

Perspective.  This is a moment in time.  A speck, not visible to the naked eye, on the timeline of eternity.

The glory of Heaven is to come and the glory of Grace is now!

So, I will straighten my crown and carry on.  Not comsumed by hate but aware of it’s root and I will celebrate His redemtion while walking in His glorious grace.